Postingan

the guilt feeling when you're the bad guy

aku biasanya menceritakan banyak hal tentang cinta ya disini, kali ini tidak.  Oh rasanya tidak nyaman sekali menjadi orang yang jahat, dan rangkaian yang terjadi ternyata banyak sekali untukmu menjadi orang yang jahat, dimulai dari kesalahan yang dilakukan diri sendiri lalu kau mengabaikannya, tentu saja Ya Allah bagaimana ya saat puzzle itu dirangkai, ternyata diingat begitu mengerikan aku melakukan yang seharusnya tidak kulakukan dan itu banyak hal aku sudah minta maaf, turns out that isn't enough aku bersalah ke banyak orang sementara otak terus berfikir bahwa itu tidak apa-apa, bahwa ia secara tidak langsung pernah berkata begitu, iyakan? sementara dirimu sendiri tidak yakin, iya tidaknya. benar-benar yang terjadi adalah lalu kamu tidak merasa yakin, bahkan dengan dirimu sendiri aku sudah minta maaf, sungguh tapi diriku sendiri yang merasa itu tidak cukup oh Allah... inikah petunjuk darimu yang aku selalu melakukan kesalahan berulang bertaubat, lalu aku ulangi kembali dan teru...

Dear M

Gambar
T ruly amazing that face really have that power Kinda feeling that I'm immune enough from you Then you came in, and that smile.. that damn smile I remembering again how I fallin in love How's life lately? Is the dream still good to you? Or you don't necessarily have a dream because you're the dream itself? Haha cheesy Yeah I heard that crack, my heart when looking at you Kinda true that love is this hurt, but I'm smiling widely, happily It's cloudy, my life.. lately I kinda lost, forgetting how to romantizing my life Thinking that this life itself just meh like usually and no break Like you know? When somethings off and you don't know what is that I'm that lost lately Kinda missing how I always found something to cheer for And how love always found in the mundanes Then you're smile, that wide smile, that sweet smile came through Feeling like they're can soothe me into my soul I see myself through your lens reflection Suddenly t...

I want to love, that remind me to smile gracefully and easy

Gambar
 So, with you here, I breathe easy... oh, I did not know it yet, I once fallin in love, but that's not work. I love him, so in love with him, but I think that isn't enough. He doesn't stay. He leaves me. I do really want love, I do, I love being in love, I love when I'm a lover, and I am a lover, so everything that I write except the hurt one, about love and being loved by someone is all imaginary, it is all only in my head, so how love is it? it is like how the trophy coming through running towards you like you're the only gravity, or you found it the tip of duct tape so easy when he is around? so, how does that come? the love? is it really with the grand entrance with the voice of magnificent lightning? waves? or he comes slowly gracefully? coming with the stately step when dancing so beautifully? Is it like when the first snow? is it like the first sip when you're so thirsty? how all of you found the love? I want it to- the love, I want it to I really want lo...

Help Me

 It is like that you lost him, and you lost everything, because you've never love yourself like you love him I read all of my notes and mostly all about you hurt because of you happy because of you found because of you and lost because of you I'm literally lying when I said that I've moved on and yet, I don't know how to live anymore I'm copiloting everything even it's a life so what should I do next? I'm unhappy but Alhamdulillah I woke up So, Please Dear Allah help me

begini

 This is me trying,  Jadi begini, aku sebenarnya ingin mencoba menulis menggunakan bahasa inggris tapi sepertinya belum dapat dilakukan lagi-lagi begini, aku sedang berusaha menulis aku sedang berusaha bertahan... mengulang waktu saat-saat dulu waktu terasa lebih berat tapi dapat aku lewati, ternyata aku melewatinya dengan menulis sekarang aku tidak dapat menulis, sepertinya lalu dunia terasa berat lagi untuk dijalani tapi aku tidak dapat menulis lalu? apa yang harus aku lakukan lagi-lagi... aku sedang berusaha, menulis lagi berkenanlah dengan tulisan ini aku kepada diriku sendiri

unsend

I'm standing in the front of your door that you'll always closed, you say that you'll never opened it again, and yet you're still talking to me via casement, I should go and don't listen whatever you said, but I stay. Then sometimes you'll go, and then...  I'm waiting... like I know you'll back here, even though it's not for me. I don't know why I'm stay, why I'm listen, why I'm here... It is so damn long time, that I really spent my prettiest years with nothing in my hand, nothing in my mind, and nothing to do, unless is just to wait for you, like for damn what?  I even now hating myself more, and who must be to blame? please let go off me, so I will hurt and endure it so, it will be the trigger that making me aware, that this is useless, baseless and literally nothing, and then maybe after then, I will be pitying me for wasting my prettiest years with nothing, because I think you're not that worthy to lost for I'm just feeli...

orgil

Sudah dibilang ya, kita memang tidak akan pernah satu tuju atau beriringan berjalan mencapai hal yang sama walaupun yang diinginkan sama... dari awal semu sekali keinginan dan tawa yang sama itu ternyata pun walaupun sama keinginannya, jalannya berbeda dan kita tidak bersama, bagaimanapun ya tetap tidak kepastian itu. lalu kita akan mengadu hal yang sama Pada Yang Selalu Kita Minta kenapa coba harus bertemu? Lucu sekali, ya kenapa juga harus mencoba, sedari awal bahkan sudah tahu tak bisa kau tahu? bahkan setelah berpisah karena tau kita tak pernah satu tuju itu? aku merindukanmu.